Searching for God

I have been seeking and searching God for as long as I can remember, for many many lives, from the very beginning of existence. Once in a while, I have seen him by the side of a faraway star, and I have rejoiced and danced that the distance, although great, is not impossible to reach. And I have traveled and reached to the star; but by the time I reached the star, God has moved to another star. And it has been going on for centuries.
The challenge is so great that I go on hoping against hope... I have to find him, I am so absorbed in the search. The very search is so intriguing, so mysterious, so enchanting, that God has become almost an excuse—the search has become itself the goal.

And to my surprise, one day I reached a house in a faraway star with a small sign in front of it, saying, " This is the house of God. " My joy knew no bounds—so finally I have arrived! I rushed up the steps, many steps, that led to the door of the house. But as I was coming closer and closer to the door, a fear suddenly appeared in my heart. As I was going to knock, I became paralyzed with a fear that I had never known, never thought of, never dreamt of. The fear was:

If this house is certainly the house of God, then what will I do after I have found him? "

Now searching for God has become my very life; to have found him will be equivalent to committing suicide. And what am I going to do with him? I had never thought of all these things before. I should have thought before I started the search: what am I going to do with God?

I took my shoes in my hands, and ilently and very slowly stepped back, afraid that God may hear the noise and may open the door and say, " Where are you going? I am here, come in! " And as I reached the steps, I ran away as I have never run before; and since then I have been again searching for God, looking for him in every direction—and avoiding the house where he really lives. Now I know that house has to be avoided. And I continue the search, enjoy the very journey, the pilgrimage.